6th Sunday of Easter
R. The Lord has revealed to the nations his saving power.
Written by Julianne Reed
In January of 2020, I had a burning desire to be a missionary for ECHO Community. I had a life changing experience on my first retreat with them in 2019 and wanted to serve with them the following summer. So, I applied the following year and got accepted, but a week later I had to turn down the offer. I had just left my job at my home parish unexpectedly after a serious falling out with the pastor, a priest I had known since I was a little girl. I felt a betrayal and a hurt that I had never felt before. Because of this, my mother told me that I could not be a missionary because there was no way I could disappear for a summer and be ready to move out again before school started two weeks later. As if I wasn’t hurt by this priest enough, I lost my only chance to be a missionary, something I felt so convicted to pursue. WHY Lord, would you ask me to serve you like this, let me go through an entire application process, and then shake things up? Did you really have to go out of your way to get my hopes up? I was heartbroken and confused. More importantly, I was grasping.
Flash forward months later, I was settled into UL and thriving, specifically at the Catholic student center on campus. I remember my spiritual director, another priest who had been walking with me during this hurt, telling me that I was glowing, that he could see a joy in me that he hadn’t seen in years. That same semester, my friend on staff reached out and invited me to reconsider applying for the summer missionary program again, but I was stuck in a lease until the following August, needed a new living situation, and didn’t think my job would allow me leave for the summer. Oh, the humor of God! Within that week every one of those things were resolved.
When I walked into the missionary program in May of 2021, I was still deeply hurt by the priest back at home. We hadn’t spoken at all since January 2020. No matter how much I prayed, sought spiritual direction, and the sacraments, I could not get over this anger, but after some inner healing sessions and a summer to work through this pain, the Lord did reveal his saving power to me, ironically through the priesthood. The priests I met that summer who heard my story showed me the utmost compassion. The fatherhood of God had never felt more tangible, and the gift of these good men has been the gift that keeps giving. I still keep in touch with all 6 of them that I met to this day. I learned quite a few things about the Father and trust:
1.) Timing is everything when it comes to healing. Looking back, God needed some time to set up a space for that and I just needed to be patient and move out the way. Healing is a gift. The gift of the priesthood and the healing that came from it has left an impact on my life forever. Perfect men, no, but they gave me the freedom to be a daughter. The safety and security I felt from the Lord through the eyes and embraces of these good fathers has radically changed the way I’ve been able to love and receive love.
2.) God does respond to us when we cry out to him, but we don’t just serve a God of response. We serve a God of radical providence who has already looked ahead and anticipated our every need. He put the desire on my heart to be a missionary and wanted to fulfill it, but in the correct time and manner that would bear the most fruit. I would have never met some of those fathers had I become a Covid missionary in 2020 and was a part of the quarantined class that year. He wasn’t teasing me with that desire. He was just stretching my heart to be able to receive the fullness of the gift he wanted to give me.
It’s hard to understand why we go through suffering in the midst of it. There have been many moments this past year where I didn’t think life had any more to offer other than the cross in front of me. There were many days where no one could have convinced me that life with Him was abundant. One of my favorite worship leaders, Phil Wickham released a song on Good Friday 2023 and the verse, “Friday’s good cause Sunday’s coming” resonated so deeply. How less sweet is our resurrection without our cross? We experience a fuller taste of his saving power when we have something to be saved from or a reason for healing. That summer molded my heart to receive the truest saving power he had for me, a conversation of reconciliation with this priest 2 months after returning. I didn’t know why the Lord had to remove him from my life at the time or why I had to suffer such betrayal and pain from the Church. It took 2 years of tears, bitterness, and anger for the Lord to reveal that to me. Perhaps the lesson to be learned was the reality of the Father’s heart: that he does conquer division and sin, that his love reigns over all. Oh happy fault. I may have never encountered God as Father if it wasn’t for such a painful season.
As I end this reflection, I’ll leave you with some prompts to pray with:
1.) What does your heart long for the most right now?
2.) Where in your life do you desire healing?
3.) Where is Jesus fighting for you right now?
Julianne Reed is an alumni of the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. She’s a worship leader for a few church parishes in the Diocese of Lafayette and owns an independent benefits consulting agency. You can check out her instagram and spotify.
Pray with today’s psalm.