20th Sunday in Ordinary Time
R. Lord, come to my aid!
Written by Erik Novitsky
The first 25 years of my life were pretty easy. I never really had to deal with anything too difficult. No losses of loved ones, no health or family issues, no significant struggles with faith. I had lived a life sheltered from real suffering. And though I knew that I needed God, I certainly didn’t feel like that was true in my life.
Fast-forward to today, I’m 32 years old, my wife and I just celebrated our 7-year anniversary this week, and we are still waiting for the Lord to provide children to our family. Several years of infertility struggles, including multiple surgeries, consultations, supplements, dietary changes, etc. Countless novenas, prayers, anointings, and still nothing. It becomes exhausting to talk about and pray about, and worse, it becomes isolating.
Jesus tells us in the Gospels to ask and we shall receive, seek and find, knock and the door will be opened. He also says to ask in confidence, and “I will do whatever you ask in my name.” It’s everywhere. God wants to give us good things because he is a Good Father and He loves us. So why hasn’t he answered our prayers for children?
Only recently has it started to be revealed to me that I have been treating God almost like a vending machine, or a magic genie, taking the scriptures too literally and expecting Jesus to give me all the specific things that I ask for. I had been worshipping the gift more than the Giver. We’ve all probably heard that God’s plan is better than the one we have for ourselves. Perhaps that can be comforting at times, but I don’t think we take it to heart often enough. God wants to give us good things, but sometimes the things that He gives are even better than the things that we keep asking for.
Over the past few years, I’ve felt the Lord call me into deeper reliance on him for the first time in my life. Speaking to me through the scriptures in new ways, drawing me into deeper and more consistent prayer. He has brought me into a deep vulnerability with Him that was never present before. His grace is sustaining me during this ongoing and deeply emotional struggle.
“Lord, come to my aid! I have waited, waited for the Lord, and he stooped toward me.” Perhaps the Lord is responding to my requests, and he’s giving me an event greater gift. He’s giving me a deeper relationship with Himself. He’s giving me the grace to be joyful in times of suffering, to continue to bring these struggles to Him in prayer. But none if this is possible on my own. The Lord stooped toward me first. He called me to Himself first. 1 John 4 says “we love because he first loved us.” I think everything we do in our spiritual life is a response to something the Lord did in our lives first.
If you’re ever feeling like God isn’t answering your prayer, or like the Lord feels distant, remember that He wants to come to our aid, that he is stooping toward you right this moment. How can you turn toward Him and respond to his invitation?
Erik Novitsky is a CPA who enjoys playing sports, reading Tolkien and Michael O’Brien, preferably with a strong black coffee or an IPA, and spending time with his wife and community in Dallas, Texas.
Pray with today’s psalm.