5th Sunday of Lent
R. The Lord has done great things for us; we are filled with joy.
Written by Gabby Banzon
I remember a moment in undergrad where I showed a friend a song I recently wrote. After listening, he said, “Gabby, all your songs are so sad. Why don’t you have any happy songs?” And in true tortured artist fashion, I answered, “I don’t feel the need to write when I’m happy. And besides, happy songs are usually pretty cheesy. I feel like there’s not as much art in them.”
Now, while being happy and being joyful technically differ, there is a lot of overlap. When you’re one, it’s hard not to be some level of the other. And when you’re not one, it’s hard to be some level of the other.
For a long time, I struggled with the idea of being filled with joy. It’s not a comfortable place for me. (Cue the Millenial emo “It’s not just a phase, mom.”) Sure, the Lord is great, but how can I be filled with joy and also make my music? Will my art be as good if I’m happy? Literally all my personal songs come from a place of tension or sadness, regardless of how “upbeat” they sound. There is just a certain poetry that I find comes out from sorrow. Even in other areas of my life, I’ve found myself nitpicking for, or even making up, something that is wrong. Just because, for me, being totally happy or joyful feels too cheesy or fake…. It doesn’t feel real. It doesn’t feel true.
But joy is a reality.
As much as sorrow is a reality, joy is a reality.
It is a reality that I am learning to accept. A reality I am growing to be comfortable with. A reality that maybe God has been patient to reveal to me since I am so stubbornly emo. And a reality that hopefully we may all recognize and relish at some point or another in our own lives.
Gabby Banzon is a music therapist, songwriter, and creative collaborator currently residing in Atlanta, GA. While most of her efforts are spent working in and serving through music therapy, she has a deep love for making music with people outside of the clinic. She is a NOVUM RECORDS artist, and contributes to a variety of its projects through writing, arranging, and recording. Follow Gabby on Instagram.
Pray with today’s psalms.